Genuine Confusion

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Two weeks ago I spent the whole day in bed. I was uncomfortable and unhappy.  I wrote a note, “Blog Post: Genuine Confusion.” A couple days later when I reread the note I know longer could remember the specific circumstances of confusion I was so struck by as to write it down.

“Just my luck, I might not even be able to get a blog post out of my day in bed,” the small me remarks.

We are making the world as we go. Each breath and sensation confirming, disquieting, upturning the ideas we carry from the past and the illusions we carry about the future. As this process unfolds disillusionment out does reconstruction exponentially in my experience. I find this uncomfortable and depressing. When the stories collapse so do I.

More and more I wonder, “What is there to stand on?” And I’m left with this alone: the good earth as it spins through infinite space, the force of gravity as it draws me into relationship. Ground offers its support and space its possibility.

I am learning how to walk on the earth.  It seems a slow and cumbersome movement, but then again, it also seems a miracle—confusing at times but also genuine.

“Lucky,” the big minded me remarks.

Delicious Summer Movement

I’ll be teaching a movement class this summer on Tuesday nights at the town hall in Tamworth, New Hampshire.  It will be an opportunity to be with our experience, delicious or not, just as it happens to be while we come to meet it. My hope is that it is an opportunity to explore movement for the sake of movement itself, for the possibility of all its flavors, and to find out something about what feels good to us, what supports and pleases us in our bodies.

In most of our lives the majority of our movements are made to get us somewhere other than where we are, whether it is to make us more flexible and toned or get us from the kitchen to the living room, or away from difficult feelings.  But for an hour and a half each week in the long summer sun of early evening we will move and be still, listen and discover, just for the fun of it.

The Garden Grows

A beautiful crop of shell peas and snow peas is being quickly consumed.  We’ve eaten the first round of lettuce.  A friend came and helped me build the rest of my beds where I planted shallots and beans.  I’ll put in a bunch of annual flowers to use for bouquets at the end of summer.  My parsnips came and went before their first little leaves unfolded. I am nourishing the insects in my garden well as they continue to eat many of my seedlings.  Frustrating as this is, I appreciate that a great deal of the harvest in the garden for me at this time is simply having my hands in the dirt.

Here is a video in honor of all our gardens and songs.

Is your confusion blossoming? Are your hands in the dirt?

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