Why Love Gets Hijacked in Heaven: And Five Ways to Bring the Love Home

Here we are in heaven on earth.

We are dancing through space in grace and gravity.

Today is the day of the Love Sparks Blogging Festival here at All is Listening.

30+ writers, teachers, coaches, creators, and brilliant folk have contributed their love sparks. To read, watch, listen, and connect with all of them click on the Love Sparks Blogging Festival badge.

And yet many of us are miserable, uncomfortable, and suffering much of the time. We aren’t in love or even aware of love. We don’t know the love in our core and don’t dare investigate what is within ourselves because the risk of coming face to face with darkness and difficulty seems so great.

So what is hijacking the love, kidnapping it and keeping it apart from our experience?

The constellation of causes is likely unique for each of us and at the same time universal. Here are two reasons for living with a sense of love set apart from us.

1. Unresolved Trauma

All of us have had some hard knocks in life—everything from child abuse to falling out of trees to neglect to car accidents. These traumas whether they are acute or chronic pose a great challenge for our physical organisms (not to mention emotional/social/spiritual selves). When we are able to meet, resolve, and understand these challenges we grow in our resilience, but when the trauma doesn’t have the opportunity for reintegration and resolve it continues to wreak havoc on our lives and our connection to the innate sense of well being and love that is our birth right.

2. Crazy Thinking

For most of us, whether we know it or not, our thoughts are driving us crazy and separating us from love. He shouldn’t have said that to me. When will my big break come? I won’t be happy until everyone agrees with me. Politicians should stop being so self-serving and start supporting the people! You should treat me with more respect. Until we see that our thoughts are simply passing thoughts and not the truth we will spend a lot of our time in pain. I speak from ongoing experience. It isn’t that we should try to stop having thoughts, or beat up our thoughts, or attempt to suppress them—these strategies haven’t proven particularly successful for most of us. But we might start lovingly asking ourselves if they are really true.

So what to do to bring the love back home amidst the obstacles we face?

Here are five ways to bring ourselves back into alignment with the fundamental love of our lives. These strategies work in concert and in a circular fashion—each of them supporting and strengthening the others and they are simply a beginning, a place to start and return to, day after day.

1. Cultivate Self-Acceptance

And I’m not talking about the acceptance of resignation, the “oh, well, if I am stuck with you I guess I’ll put up with you” kind of acceptance.  The healing acceptance we can offer ourselves is alive with tenderness, with self-care, and with love. The kind of love that is willing to be present with what is difficult, to include and care for what we don’t necessarily like and yet still needs our tender attention.

Kiss the hard parts, take them on your lap and hold them.

2. Listen to Ourselves

This is an act of self-care and discovery. When I say listen I don’t just mean to our ranting ratty little thoughts that love to take the floor and not move over for other movements to unfold. Yes, sometimes our thoughts definitely need our tender care and attention as we lovingly assure them they are confused about most things, but the rest of us, the oft neglected silent achy longing little dark parts of ourselves need us to come toward them with open receptive loving curiosity.

Listen to the whole inner gang whatever they have to say and feel, however lost they are, give them a home.

3. Invest in Relationship

We are not separate self-sufficient creatures, but totally interdependent creatures in need of earth and air and food and folks to support our very existence here on the planet. We need—especially when we are little, but all through life—other people who have the capacity to attune to us, to see and sense our experience and feelings, to reflect this back to us with love and empathy. We build our capacity to offer this listening and self-acceptance toward ourselves as we receive it from others.

If you need some care in your life go get it! Seek out a therapist, coach, counselor, pastor, or teacher. Find a friend. Ask. (I know asking can be hard, I’ll write lots more later about how to ask for what we need and get it).

4. Kiss the Ground

That’s right. Nothing disarms the internal/external heart hijackers like making out with the earth. Okay, you don’t have to make out with it.  But to feel our feet planted on ground, to lie down on the earth and soak up its presence and support, to kiss and offer gratitude for the spinning planet of abundance we are part of, this brings me toward love every time.

Be weird. Try it out. Make up games that make you feel better. Sing to the stars. Carry the flowers between your teeth.

5. Hire Me!

I’ll spark some love and clarity in your life. I promise. And I’ll be your valentine as well.

What ways have you found to disarm the heart hijackers? What brings the love home for you? Tell us so we can invite it in as well…

Photo of women with daffodil by Hamed Saber.

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